Do I Repay My Boyfriend for Trip After I Dump Him?

Expensive Penny,

I’ve been courting a man for eight months. He has at all times insisted on paying for our dates, typically meals, and wouldn’t hear my objections. So I relaxed. 

However he was sad with a present I purchased him, and now he brings up that he at all times pays for our dates. He nonetheless needs to take me on a visit that he paid for. I received’t go. Ought to I pay for half of the journey and stroll away?


Expensive D.,

What did this man count on? That you simply’d quietly sock away your half of the verify for eight months straight so you can purchase him a Rolex?

You’ve already made the necessary selections: You’re not happening this journey. You’re strolling away. You simply want my assist checking out just a few particulars.

I do assume it’s best to pay your half of the holiday, supplied that you would be able to afford to with out inflicting your self monetary hardship. This isn’t actually about him, although.

This man clearly likes to play head video games. Even when he handled you to eight months of fancy dates, that doesn’t make you a thoughts reader. I think that even when you’d given him a Rolex, he’d be choosing away at you for one thing else.

By paying on your half of this trip, you’re setting issues straight in your personal thoughts. It was your boyfriend’s option to pay for eight months’ price of dates. He isn’t a sufferer, although he’s going to insist in any other case.

I’d counsel sending him the cash by way of Venmo or Paypal proper earlier than you inform him you received’t be accompanying him. Increase. Finish of debate. Don’t open the door on your soon-to-be-ex to hem and haw about why it actually isn’t essential so that you can pay him again — whereas on the similar time guilt-tripping you about the truth that he paid for this trip.

Attempt to keep away from rehashing the previous eight months. That may flip into an argument you merely can’t win with this man.

Deal with the way you’re feeling proper now. You’re not having fun with his firm as the results of his incessant complaining. I believe paying to not go on trip with this man sends a fairly sturdy message. I’m not holding out hope that he’ll really hear the message. However no less than you’ll have set the report straight for your self.

Sooner or later, I’d warning in opposition to letting somebody pay for the whole lot, regardless of how a lot they insist. Some folks might insist on paying the invoice for the whole lot as a result of they take pleasure in treating their companions. However generally there’s a hidden motivation. It’s about their egos, or they’re setting ridiculous expectations for you within the course of. When somebody insists on paying 100% of the time over your objections, don’t routinely interpret it as a message of generosity. Hear carefully. They’re not listening to your objections.

No matter the way you strategy this dialogue, maintain your floor. You’re not going to this point this man any longer. This journey is now a trip for one.

Robin Hartill is a licensed monetary planner and a senior author at The Penny Hoarder. Ship your tough cash inquiries to [email protected].

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